For anyone who read my last post, it was a little bit… bleak. Depressing. After writing it that afternoon, I told Christian, “I wrote a blog post for the first time in a long time, but I think it might be too negative to post.” But it was true, and I did, and, well, it’s there and that’s that. Just in case you missed it and somehow got convinced by this paragraph that it is worth reading, you can find it here: It's Not Over.
I decided to post it because it accurately reflects how I feel sometimes. Not all the time, but regularly, whether it be on a mild or severe level. However, it is important to note that that is not always how I feel. Not by a long shot. God is so good, and I know that goodness all the time, and I feel it some of the time. I am on a journey (aren’t we all?) of learning and trying to take in and experience his goodness more and more.
A very important step in that journey—or rather, the catalyst for such a journey—happened seven-and-a-half years ago. I had recently returned from volunteering in Uganda for the first time and had decided to go back to Noah’s Ark as a missionary a few months later. It was a challenge to sort out commitments to camp, Noah’s Ark, my boyfriend, my family and friends in America and Uganda, and I did not always handle that challenge gracefully.
In the midst of all that, I read a book called One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp. In that book, Ann describes her journey of learning to give thanks to God—daily, regular, open-the-eyes-of-my-heart thanksgiving in the best and worst of circumstances. I won’t tell you more because I think you should read the book yourself, but one thing she shared in her book was that she was challenged to make a list of one thousand things she was thankful for—one thousand gifts from God.
I know with certainty I am not the only one who read that book and then bought my own journal to start a list of gifts God has given me. It was spring 2014 when I wrote my first entry:
- geese that make funny sounds that make me laugh
What, you didn’t expect my first entry of a thousand things to be thankful for to be geese? Neither did I. I do remember sitting at a park outside Madison as I read and journaled that day, and that between all the long, yellow grass in the pond there was a flock of geese. I don’t remember the sound they made, but I do remember that it was an unusually sunny day after the coldest winter in 35 years, and my number two reflects that:
2. warm sunshine on my face
And I continued. I made a goal of writing three things every day. Some days I forgot. Some days I couldn’t think of anything new. Some days I got carried away and wrote ten or twenty. I filled one journal and started the next. I wrote in Uganda, I took it with me on furlough, when I got married, when my children were born. Last year I decided to accompany the entries with dates so I could more easily see when I was thankful for particular things and what seasons of my life prompted such gratitude.
I intended to write this post in the first week of January, freshly released from 2020 and ready to take on 2021. My Facebook feed was full of people celebrating the end of such an awful year, and I can’t blame them. But I had no desire to join them. 2020 was different. It came with new challenges, we all know that. But it also came with new blessings. New opportunities. New moments in which God opened my eyes and my heart and filled me with gratitude for blessings big and small.
So even though, as you read in my last post, we are still very much in the middle of Covid here in Uganda, and even though sometimes I feel trapped and stuck and frustrated, I am thankful.
To date, I have written 2,429 things for which I am thankful. I am on my third journal. I have probably repeated things over the years because, let’s be honest, when I feel gratitude for something I am not going to pore over a hundred pages of my list just to see if I have already said thank you to God for that particular thing.
Today I want to share a few entries from the last year—from the beginning of the pandemic up to now. Because the truth is, even in the midst of what many call the worst year ever, it has really been a great year for at least 990 reasons…
1,430. Christian’s support of me pumping breastmilk for Babirye even though it took a lot of my time
1,432. when I was sitting alone on my bed, reading through the last several chapters of the book of John, the way the Easter story came alive in my heart this year
1,436. our fridge, freezer, stove and oven
1,596. yesterday marked six years since I moved to Uganda
1,601. enough printers on the compound that even when four don’t work, there is still a way to print homework
1,684. I am known by God
1,739. the patience to calmly deal with discipline cases all afternoon and not blow up at the children for interrupting me
1,759. Simone washed all our windows and now they don’t bother me anymore
1,762. hearing my dad’s laugh in my head when Patricia does something funny
1,771. I cannot hear a single mosquito this morning
1,765. a short list of boys’ names on which we agree
1,769. a reminder of the urgency of the gospel
1,779. Little Peanut, aka Elliot Mukisa Berkman, is here!
1,784. managing to naturally deliver a 3.9 kilogram baby without pain medication
1,820. the book Bright Evening Star by Madeleine L’Engle
1,828. the gift of a chunk of pumpkin from the neighbors and the possibility of pumpkin muffins
1,830. toys for the children to play with at our house
1,881. having two young children in the house, knowing where they are and that they are okay all the time
1,945. the feeling of relief after waking up from a bad dream
1,994. the younger kids, like Isaac and Asaf, joining band
1,998. uplifting phone calls with Ruth, Josephine and Vanessa
1,999. the joy of a fully chaotic house and yard with the kids in the afternoon
2,004. democracy
2,097. watching Zadock focus so much and work so hard on his shading sheet
2,099. the holiday program aunties participate wholeheartedly in Monday morning games
2,100. Lydia teaching stomp with me
2,169. our Olympics opening ceremonies went well
2,180. “Patricia, wat was het hoogtepunt van jouw dag?” “Papa!”
2,223. spending part of the night sleeping next to Elliot and seeing his cute, sweet little face when I open my eyes
2,226. back scratches
2,262. new, nice neighbors
2,299. despite being the only nurse and working full-time, Rachel does her job with as much love, joy, patience and care as ever
2,302. Big Josephine tutoring Little Josphine and giving her much-needed help in school
2,303. Yulia has prepared a lot and planned a really good camp to do with the children
2,315. P.4s enjoyed reading games so much that the next class over had to tell us to be quiet
2,349. the small group of teenagers who are putting full days and lots of energy into Bible Camp
2,373. a mattress cover so when we have sleepovers and children wet the bed the clean-up is still minimal
2,374. Patricia’s prayers
2,420. we made it to the Netherlands
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